Boring is good
I've never been one for writing X things I learnt in X years-type fluff, but preferences change over time. This past week provided an opportunity for a retrospective. Whole new truths were unearthed - stuff that seemed absolutely ground-breaking for me, but were plain common sense in reality. Maybe it takes lived experiences to help you understand the validity of common sense. Who knows?
What follows is a compilation of my daily notes.
Boring is good
Past a certain point, the urge to say 'fuck it' and stop trying to fit in grows larger. Why not stop resisting and just give in to the urge? You've grown, so why not just be you and stop trying to craft an identity that isn't yours?
You shouldn't feel the need to fit in anymore. Every identity you try to emulate is still a costume - a copy of a copy - so as you age, you stop inventing, and start being the real you.
I've noticed that my agreement with and implementation of this tenet grows with time - and that's coming from someone who has a debilitating need to fit in.
On social skills
Much like a muscle that atrophies when neglected, your social skills can decay over time and lead to uncomfortable situations. A recent retreat shed light on this as it became painfully obvious to me (and others) that what few social skills I did have had steadily eroded during the pandemic lockdown. Only took me 5 years to notice, lol.
Social situations have always been anxiety-inducing for me, and things are doubly worse now because I cannot let my guard down and be vulnerable around people. This was something I could do around people once I'd gotten to know them over a 6-12 months period. What I noticed recently is that I still worry about how I'll be perceived around people whom I've known for three and a half years at this point.
So what's the cure? Go out and get involved with people, I guess. Community meetups, events, book clubs - there's no dearth of options in Bangalore. It will be awfully uncomfortable but this recent realization might be enough to get me to get out of my comfort zone.
I'm starting to think adulthood is less about constant reinvention and more about doing the same things over and over. Succumbing to gradual change instead of sudden flare-ups. Maybe that's all there is to adulthood. You get better one road trip, one meetup, one book at a time. If that sounds boring, good. Boring is good.